Valentine’s Day and Fertility: When Love Feels Complicated

Valentine’s Day can be tender when you’re trying to grow your family.

It’s the holiday of roses, candlelit dinners, and declarations of love. But when you’re navigating infertility, IVF, pregnancy loss, or uncertainty about what comes next, it can stir something very different. Grief. Resentment. Pressure. Loneliness. Disconnection. Even shame.

If that’s where you are this February, you’re not alone.

The Hidden Weight of “Romantic” Expectations

Fertility treatment has a way of turning intimacy into logistics.

Timing becomes clinical. Sex becomes scheduled. Romance becomes overshadowed by hormone injections, retrieval dates, two-week waits, and beta numbers. Conversations that once felt spontaneous now revolve around insurance approvals and embryo grading.

By the time Valentine’s Day arrives, many couples feel emotionally depleted rather than celebratory.

You might be thinking:

• How do we celebrate when we’re barely holding it together?
• Why does everyone else seem to have it so easy?
• What if we’re not on the same page anymore?

These questions don’t mean your relationship is failing. They mean you’re under stress.

When Grief and Love Coexist

Infertility often brings a private kind of grief. The loss of the imagined timeline, the loss of ease, sometimes the loss of pregnancies themselves.

Valentine’s Day can magnify that grief because it highlights what you long for. The baby you hoped to be carrying. The nursery you imagined decorating. The future you thought would already be here.

And yet, alongside that grief, there is often profound love — for your partner, for the child you hope to meet, and for the version of yourselves who keep showing up to appointments even when it’s hard.

Both truths can exist at the same time:

• You can feel deeply connected and deeply exhausted.
• You can love your partner and feel angry at the situation.
• You can want closeness and need space.

There is nothing abnormal about that complexity.

Protecting Your Relationship During Treatment

Research consistently shows that infertility is one of the most stressful life experiences a couple can face. It tests communication, emotional regulation, and even identity.

A few gentle shifts can help:

1. Lower the bar for the holiday.
Valentine’s Day does not have to be grand. A quiet dinner at home, a walk, or even simply acknowledging, “This has been hard, but I’m glad we’re in it together,” can be enough.

2. Separate the relationship from the fertility journey.
You are more than treatment cycles. Making intentional time to talk about something other than IVF can help preserve the part of your bond that existed before this began.

3. Allow different coping styles.
One partner may want to talk constantly. The other may cope by focusing on logistics or staying busy. Neither is wrong. Understanding the difference can reduce unnecessary conflict.

4. Create a ritual of meaning.
Some couples light a candle for pregnancies lost. Others write letters to their future child. Small rituals can help transform pain into shared meaning rather than silent distance.

When the Holiday Feels Like Too Much

It’s also okay to opt out.

You are allowed to skip the restaurant reservations. You are allowed to mute social media. You are allowed to say no to baby showers, heart-shaped balloons, and forced cheer.

Protecting your nervous system is not bitterness. It’s self-respect.

How Therapy Can Support You During This Season

Fertility challenges are not only medical… they are psychological and relational.

Therapy can offer a space to:

• Process grief and pregnancy loss
• Navigate resentment or miscommunication in your partnership
• Manage anxiety during the two-week wait
• Rebuild intimacy after months of medicalization
• Clarify next steps when you feel stuck or overwhelmed

You don’t have to wait until your relationship is in crisis. Many couples seek support simply because they want to move through this chapter with more steadiness and less isolation.

Valentine’s Day is ultimately about connection — and sometimes connection means allowing yourselves to be honest about how hard this is.

If this season feels tender for you, may you give yourselves permission to redefine what love looks like right now. It may not be roses and champagne.

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Fertility challenges are deeply personal, and they deserve specialized support.

At Fertility Psychotherapy Group, our clinicians focus specifically on infertility, IVF, reproductive trauma, and grief. We offer therapy for individuals and couples throughout Los Angeles and virtually across California.

We provide a free 15-minute consultation so you can explore your options, learn more about our approach, and decide whether we’re the right fit for this chapter of your life.

Support is available when you’re ready.

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Marielle Skouras, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of Fertility Therapy Group in Los Angeles. She specializes exclusively in infertility, IVF, reproductive grief, and relationship strain related to fertility treatment. Her work integrates psychological depth with a nuanced understanding of the medical realities of assisted reproduction.